Get your ow
n diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

Liquid Plumber, take me away

2003-07-21 - 10:34 p.m.

So, how many of YOUR friends� dads have starring roles in �Legally Blonde II?�

Mmm-hmm. That�s what I thought.

My friend M called to tell me last week that her dad appears in eight scenes in the LB sequel.

Or, rather, the back of his head is in seven scenes, and his face appears in one. So, ok, he was an extra, not an actor with a starring role. But hey, that�s seven more times than the back of my head has been in a movie.

In the scene where his face does appear, he�s dressed as a senator and sitting in on a hearing at the White House--or what is supposed to be the White House, but is actually the state capitol building in Springfield, Illinois--looking all serious and political, even though, in real life, he�s a 50-something bachelor who still smokes dope and wears Zubaz.

It takes a lot to be such a good actor.


Warning: you might want to put down your donut while you read this. Really, it�s gonna be gross.

Friday night I dreamt I was in the bathroom in my apartment, and the toilet made a horrible gurgling sound when I flushed it, although I couldn�t figure out why it was clogged.

My dream-self sighed in frustration and reached for the plunger, only to notice in a panic that the toilet water was rising to the brim and about to spill out onto the floor. I turned my back to grab a towel to wipe up the spillage, and when I turned back to face the toilet, I saw that it was somehow filled with huge, dead, google-eyed catfish, as well as crispy-looking crabs and crawdads.

And when I say filled, I mean it was packed--as in, no water left in the bowl-- with all of them piled on top of each other in a disgusting stack of arms and pincers and whiskers.

Crustaceans. And catfish. In my toilet.

Eckgh. God. I�m gagging as I write this. It was so real, and I can�t stop picturing it. And as if it weren�t a gross enough image to begin with, I am totally fucking freaked out by catfish, anyway. Their weird whiskers and big, demanding, frown-y mouths. That whole creepy legend that some of them live on the bottom of the Mississippi and eat until they�re the size of men. They�ve always reminded me of the aquatic version of swine.

On Saturday morning, when I was cleaning my apartment and it was time to do the bathroom, I swear I had to stand in front of the toilet and take 10 deep yoga breaths before I could even lift the lid.


that was then - this is now

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!