Hooked!
2003-12-01 - 2:21 p.m.
1. Quick: Who delivered the Gettysburg address�Honest Abe, or some guy from �Star Trek�?
2. Who says you can get too much of a good thing? Obviously, not this guy.
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DON�T FEAR THE REAPER
Here is an excellently written article by Chuck Klosterman (from Spin), who visited sites of famous rock-mortality moments across the country, raising questions about why rockers become larger than life once they are dead. Especially worth reading are the sections on the Great White-death site, the Lynard Skynard plane crash site, and Robert Johnson�s infamous crossroads.
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FREAKY CO-INKY-DINKS, CHAPTER ONE
(Warning: you might not get this one unless you�re a hard-core �Seinfeld� fan.) The other night I watched a �Seinfeld� re-run, the one where George had a nemesis who everyone ---especially George�s parents--seemed to adore. The very next morning, I was reading a news story about how CBS is kicking butt in the ratings game, and I came across this quote: �� �we have to stand behind the promising young shows,� said ABC's top entertainment executive, Lloyd Braun."
CHAPTER TWO
For nearly two years, I have walked down the same hallway every morning to get to my cubicle. Each and every one of those mornings, as I�ve passed the long row of coat hooks on one of the walls, I�ve thought to myself, �Wow, those old coat hooks are really interesting-looking. I should take a picture of them someday.�
It�s been a repetitive tape-loop in my head, saying the same thing every single morning: �I ought to take a picture.�
And so, one recent morning, feeling an arty-farty bug coming on, I loaded my camera and took it with me to work. I figured that if I�d been looking at those hooks and thinking the same thing for nearly two whole years, it was time to put my thoughts in to action.
And when I walked in the door, I saw before me a hallway that had been completely stripped of all of its coat hooks, which had likely been there since the Kennedy administration. The very freaking day.
CHAPTER THREE
Since the day I started my job here, there has been a pothole the size of a kiddie swimming pool in the street in front of the building in which I work. Every morning, I have to do a big, exaggerated swerve to get around it, but if someone�s coming in the other lane, I can�t do the swerve. I have to go through the pot hole and pray the bumpiness won�t knock my teeth out.
Last week, I said to the secretary, �Jeeze, when are they ever going to pave that big �ol pothole out there? It�s getting to be like the Grand Canyon!�
And then, the very next morning, I began to initiate the big dramatic swerve, and I�ll bet you can guess what happened next: the freaking thing was patched. Repaved. Covered.
Something, my friends, is happening.
And so�excuse me for a moment while I think to myself�
�Wow, I love George Bush; I�d sure love to take a picture of him someday!� And, um, �I wonder when TV execs will get around to ending reality TV?� And, let�s see� �I�d love to take a picture of Britney Spears!! I better do that one of these days before it�s too late��
Damn, it�s not working.
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