R.I.P., Pepe Le Pews
2003-06-30 - 1:09 p.m.
APPARENTLY, THE ROAD KILL SCOOPER-UPPER GUYS TAKE SUNDAYS OFF.
Guess how many dead skunks I saw on the side of the road yesterday as I was driving home from my friend's house?
Six of the stinkers.
And it was only an hour-long drive.
Plus, as I was scanning the radio stations in my car, I landed upon "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road" by Loudon Wainwright III--I swear to God-- at the exact moment I looked over and saw the first of what would turn out to be a trail of the deceased stink-bombs.
If someone could help me figure out what kind of an omen this is supposed to be, I'd really appreciate it.
Yesterday was not the first time I've been shocked by the high volume of road kill of the same animal.
A few Sundays ago, I was making the trek to Old Navy (in a town that's an hour from where I live), and I counted somewhere between six and 10 dead deer on the side of the road. Which is really strange, considering it's not even the season that deer are overpopulated and tend to jump out in front of cars on the highway--that, of course, happens in the fall, when it's already dark by 4 p.m.
So is there something weird going on in the Animal Kingdom right now, or is there always this much road kill and the highway people are just on some kind of strike?
It's an important life question to ponder.
Each time I passed a smeared skunk yesterday, I'd try to breathe out of my mouth to escape the stench (especially because I was already on the verge of vomiting anyway, suffering from Possibly the Worst Hangover of My Life), and then, just as I'd release and try to breath normally again, I'd come up on another one.
"Stinkin' to high heaven," indeed.
Ahh, the words of a poet.
Which leads me to another point.
I think I have found the perfect Democratic candidate to knock Baby Bush out of office.
Can you imagine the campaign slogans?
"Johnny Cougar for me and... yougar!"
"I'm in Mellon's CAMP!"
"It's a LONELY OL' NIGHT when the Bush administration makes you so poor you can't even pay your heating bill!"
Oh, if only.
I'd volunteer to be his first lady, too, but I think he prefers to date models.