What Color was Bullwinkle?
2003-04-21 - 8:39 p.m.
I have to tell you the craziest thing. Are you ready for this?
Yesterday, for the second day in a row, as I was taking my evening walk in the lovely evening sun, I had to stop in my tracks to let
A COMPLETELY BLACK SQUIRREL run across my path.
Yes, that�s right. A totally black squirrel. Squirrelus Negrus. Dark Avenger of the vermin world. Arch Nemesis of the Albino Squirrel.
On the first night one ran across my path, I wondered if I should feel cursed, like I would if it had been a black cat. Then I thought maybe I�d been blessed, like I�d just looked up in time to see a falling star.
Then, when I saw another one the next night, I wondered if it was really a big deal to be seeing black squirrels at all; maybe I�d been seeing them all my life and just not really noticing them. (It�s entirely possible; I�m spacey enough have sung �My Name is Luca� everyday in fifth grade without ever realizing the words were about child abuse.)
I decided to do a little searching on the web, and I found a site that surprised me almost as much as seeing that first black squirrel. This site listed four or five places in the U.S. in which black squirrel sightings have occurred, and lo and behold, I�ll be damned if one of them wasn�t The G Spot!!
I was so excited I almost called the newspaper.
And then I remembered that I used to work there (and have to deal with the crackpots who called the newsroom to give us a �hot news tip� that a deer was standing in their yard, and couldn�t we just send a photographer over right away? I realized then that I'm officially on the crackpot side of the fence.)
I also learned that these little black boogers are often seen in Canada, and apparently they�re the basis of somebody�s mascot--one that, by the way, wants you to enlist, pay your taxes, and, I'm sure, to support your troops: 
My research also led me to the fact that in one Kansas town, black squirrels come with a $25 fine, (or at least dead ones do).
Then I found a list-serve in which someone wrote something like, �I saw a black squirrel today and I was quite surprised. I haven�t seen one in all of my 78 years.�
And that made me feel pretty dern special. Almost enough to call the newspaper.
---
ONE FOR THE ROAD...
Just one more reason I�m afraid to become an English teacher.
R they really that dumb?
